


no contest (when it comes to loving you)

by busyboys



Category: PRETTYMUCH (Band)
Genre: M/M, youtuber!zion dumbass!nick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/busyboys/pseuds/busyboys
Summary: zion couldn’t ever allow himself to say he wanted nick for himself, but he certainly did not want him to be with anybody else. he didn’t want to compete against girls that he knew would probably beat him every time. nick was the straightest guy zion knew, and after seeing firsthand just how far nick would go to impress a girl, he knew he was no contest to them. he wasn’t even in the running.(au where nick and zion are equally petty and competitive, but zion is jealous enough for the both of them).
Relationships: Zion Kuwonu/Nick Mara
Kudos: 2





	no contest (when it comes to loving you)

both zion and nick watched as nick sunk his final shot, the ball slipping into the net with an obnoxious _swoosh._ it was dead silent outside for a few seconds, both boys equally as shocked about the fact that nick had just made a half court shot. 

“ _that’s_ what the fuck i’m talkin’ ‘bout!” nick broke through the silence with the vigorous pumping of a triumphant fist in the air, “pay up, mothafucker!” 

zion rolled his eyes, licking the sweat off of his top lip. “let’s do best two outta three.” 

nick sucked his teeth loudly, walking over to where zion was standing with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. from this position, nick was slightly taller than zion and able to look down at him. “nah, i won fair and square man. run me my money.”

“i didn’t properly stretch before i started, that’s why you won. i’m warmed up now, so we should play again.” zion straightened his stance so that he was the taller of the two again. 

nick laughed a deep, throaty laugh. “the score was three to twenty, zion. ain’t that much warming up in the world. c’mon, let’s go upstairs so i can get outta these nasty ass clothes and you can give me my $50.”

“you actin like $50 gon change your life or something. it’s _fifty dollars_.” zion retrieved the basketball, preparing to go inside even though he was still in a playful, energetic mood. he and nick hadn’t had time to hang out alone in a few weeks now, with school taking up most of nick’s time and zion’s rapidly growing youtube channel requiring much more time than either of them anticipated after brandon decided he didn’t want to be zion's editor and creative director anymore. 

  
  
  


moments like these had become rare for them, and nick was the only person in zion’s life that was ever down to do fun shit like play one on one or football. he was the only one that embraced getting dirty, the only one that could always match zion’s energy. 

“maybe it’s nothing to you mister _youtube star_ , but for us commoners, fifty dollars can go pretty damn far,” nick trailed behind zion as they left the basketball court outside zion’s house, his steps slowing as he used the hem of his white shirt to wipe the sweat building on his face.

“so basically what you’re saying is that dinner is on you tonight?” zion flung open the back door to his empty home, not bothering to hold it open for nick who caught it seconds before it slammed shut.

“well, no, actually.” nick said sheepishly, “dinner _is_ on me, but not with you.”

zion turned to face nick, a thick eyebrow raised. “what you tryna say?” 

“i, uh, have a date tonight. remember... the fine girl from my anthropology class?”

zion _didn’t_ remember.

“anyway, i’m gonna use the money to pay for her meal. like a gentlemen or whatever.”

“oh,” was all zion could think to say. he let the basketball fall from his hands and onto the floor. it rolled off into the kitchen, both of them watching as it disappeared from their line of sight.

“yeah,” there was an awkward beat of silence, “so thanks for helping my broke ass out. you’re the best,” nick patted him on the shoulder and then jogged up the stairs, “towels are still in the bathroom closet, right?” he called down the steps. 

“yeah,” zion said quietly. he sat down at the island in the kitchen with a frown on his face. everything about the fact that nick had probably only finally replied to his texts long enough to set up this little get together — if it could even be called that — just so that he could win money from zion to spend on a girl rubbed him, nah, _scratched_ him, the wrong way. 

and he felt wounded. the first time he hung out with his closest friend in weeks was some ploy to get him out of his money. and not even a good amount of money, at that. _a fifty dollar date_? if nick would’ve just asked for the money straight up, zion could’ve given him more than that. 

zion looked down at his hands, feeling dumber than he had in a long time. he thought they were going to spend the day together, order a pizza, have a little beer and play some games on his ps4. he had even been planning to convince nick to stream on twitch with him because even though nick didn’t like playing with an audience since he was really bad at most games, zion’s fans liked nick’s commentary and the numbers were always there when they streamed together. 

obviously none of that was going to happen now, because fifteen minutes later, nick was coming down the stairs in a _grey turtleneck,_ smelling like fucking _drakkar noir_ , _zion’s_ drakkar noir, while asking zion if he could borrow one of his new gold chains. 

“i can’t believe you, man.” zion was trying not to lose it, he really was. he paused his episode of rick and morty and glared at nick as he blocked zion’s view of the tv.

“what? is the cologne too much?” he tugged at the neckline of his turtleneck as if that was going to allow some of the strong cedar and lemon scent to escape.

“you didn’t even ask me if you could use it.” 

“well next time don’t leave it in the bathroom for everyone to see. and use.”

zion opted to stay silent. _don’t go off,_ _don’t go off, don’t go off,_ a voice in his head repeated.

“anyway, you have the money? my uber’s coming in like ten.” 

“i’m not giving you the fuckin’ money, bro.” zion scoffed. his hands were clenched into fists he didn’t remember making.

“why not? i earned it.” 

“nah, i don’t think you did.”

“how? i beat you. barely even had to break a sweat to do it.” 

“i let you win. i always go easy the first round because you never turn down a second and third one. it makes things more interesting.”

“no, zion, you’re just bad at basketball. you always lose.” 

“because _you_ always cheat.”

“how?” nick stepped up to the island, his face showing that he didn’t understand what was happening.

“the fuck do you mean _how_? you’re always faking injuries and… and calling fouls and shit.” he was so angry that he couldn’t even get his argument together. nick was not a cheater, just a shitty person, but for some reason zion couldn’t find the words to say that.

“zion, i don’t have time for this.” he sounded like a parent dealing with a petulant child.

“seems like you never have time for anything lately.” 

“ _what_ ? zion, we can talk about this later. _after_ my date.”

"no, we can’t. you think some… some anthology pussy is more important than me? than our friendship?”

“first of all, it’s _anthropology_ , and no, of course i don’t. do you hear yourself right now?”

“do _you_ ? you _used_ me, nick. and you don’t even give a fuck.”

“you’re the one who wanted to do the bet, zion, not me.” 

“we _always_ do bets, nick. it’s like, the fucking foundation of our friendship. last time we saw each other we bet $100 on who could finish their water first.”

“then why are you so fuckin’ mad, man? all the bets we’ve made i’ve never once acted like this when i lost. even when i was betting money i ain’t even have like that.” 

“because, nick. i’ve never came over to see you just to collect money to spend on someone else.”

“i wouldn’t give a fuck if you did, man. never asked what you did with any of the money you won from me, because _you_ won it.”

“you ain’t even gotta ask because i would _never_ do some dog shit like this.”

nick’s phone rang in his back pocket. “that’s my uber,” he said, “i gotta go.”

“if you really leave right now nick, i swear to _god_.” zion said through clenched teeth.

“if i leave, _what_ , zion? what the fuck are you gonna do about it? cry like you always do when you don’t get your way? i don’t give a fuck. i won’t be here to watch you.” 

something in zion snapped. _GO THE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW,_ the voice in his head was louder than he’d ever heard it.

“you know what, nick? _fuck you_. i know you think i’m a dumbass and that you can trick me and manipulate me into doing whatever the fuck you want when you want, and maybe i fucking am one for not realizing sooner what kind of person you are, but i’m woke now. i see the type of low down, dirty ass nigga you are, and i’m not even boutta pretend i still want you around. you don’t give a fuck about my feelings so i don’t give a fuck about yours. and i’m not giving you that fucking fifty dollars, so you better run and catch your punk ass uber before that $5 cancellation fee overdrafts your fucking account. with your broke ass.” 

“whatever, man. i’ll text you later, when you’re not acting like such a little bitch.” nick turned on his heels with clenched fists.

“nah, don’t bother. consider your number already blocked. your insta and twitter too. i’m always going to be a _little bitch_ , but at least i can admit that.”

nick left in a thick cloud of drakkar, slamming the door so hard behind him that the walls in zion’s apartment rattled. zion forced himself to remain composed as silence settled in the growing space between them. after taking a few deep breaths, he got up from his seat and poured a good amount of sprite into a wine glass — he knew self control even when he was pissed; he couldn’t afford to get drunk and rant on social media anymore. he had a following now — and ran himself a piping hot bath. 

as he undressed, kicking his clothes into an angry pile on the floor at the foot of his bed, he tried his hardest not to shake. in fact, he tried not to think about the situation at all. he was just going to take his fiery bath, drink his cold sprite and listen to his mariah carey playlist like he always did when he was feeling particularly stressed. 

once inside of the large tub, he sunk down into the water, ignoring the aggressive way that the water burned his skin. _always be my baby_ started blasting from his brand new bathroom speaker and he had to tell himself not to cry. the song wasn’t even sad, nor did it apply to his current situation at all so his emotional response made no sense, but still, he regretted not starting from the emancipation of mimi era.

he really didn’t want to be this emotionally affected by what had happened with nick, especially because he had no idea why he even was so affected in the first place. he was used to people using him. he didn’t come from money, but he had just recently came into a considerable amount of it so he was having a hard time discerning who was really there for him and who was there for the money he could throw at them. and he was used to getting it wrong and splurging on people who would block or badmouth him on social media within days, people who wouldn’t pick up the phone when he was at rock bottom if he needed them to.

nick wasn’t like them. or, zion thought he wasn’t. in fact, nick was often the one to point out when zion was being used. in hindsight he guessed it was true that game recognized game. the two had been friends for five years, meeting through mutual friends when nick was a junior in high school and zion was a sophomore. you wouldn’t be able to tell by the way they treated one another, but they had been through hell and back, had seen each other through broken legs and dislocated shoulders, heartbreak and lovesickness plus everything in between. 

it was the only friendship of zion’s that withstood the test of time, and for something as miniscule as _fifty dollars_ to be the thing that finally ended their friendship when zion would gladly give nick every dollar he had plus the clothes off his back if he needed it felt like the biggest slap to the face. 

he sunk even further into the still-burning hot water, his hair and half of his face now submerged underwater. opening his mouth, he let out a loud scream, one full of all the anger and pain and confusion that was building inside him. water filled his mouth immediately, cutting his scream short as it traveled down his throat and caused him to choke. quickly, he sat upright, spitting the water out and wiping the water from his eyes as he did so. if that water also contained a few tears, that was nobody’s business but his own. 

***

the thing about zion’s friendship with nick that had allowed them to stay friends for such a long time was how similar they both were. they first bonded over their great appreciation for klay thompson, then over favorite football teams and four loko flavors. from there it was the music they listened to, and even the type of girls they found attractive. even outside of personal taste, they were more alike than they were different. they had similar styles, senses of humor and personalities too. 

to zion, talking to nick sometimes felt a lot like talking to himself. they shared a lot of the same values, and after being friends for so long they spoke with some of the same cadences and nuances, used the same vernacular. both boys were extremely emotional although they processed and showed their emotions in different ways, which always led to conflict and fallouts. they were no stranger to arguments, both of them refusing to accept fault and always wanting to have the last word.

they were like two sides of the same coin, nick’s smart mouth often setting off zion’s quick temper. nick was slower to piss off, calmer in the face of conflict, but once he got mad he could be just as, if not even more cruel than zion.

during prom season zion’s senior year he and nick got into it so badly about the last pizza bite that zion had to go to prom with a broken nose. of course, things usually didn’t get physical, and that fight wasn’t supposed to be that serious, but moments like that made the fact that nick left instead of staying to argue with zion after he’d said things he knew would get a rise out of nick hurt more than anything nick could’ve said. nick _never_ wasted an opportunity to argue, no matter how unimportant the argument seemed. 

another thing they had in common was their ability to hold grudges forever. they were both ridiculously petty, both too prideful to admit when they were wrong or acknowledge when they’d hurt other people. they both came to understand that about each other, which was the main reason why they were able to stay friends for so long while the other people in their lives dropped like flies. if they argued, they usually let a few days pass before zion reached out to nick, launching right back into their friendship like nothing ever happened. 

this time was a lot different though. weeks passed and zion didn’t hear from nick, nor did he make any effort to reach out to him no matter how badly he wanted to. it was like the more time they spent apart the more shit happened to zion that he wanted to talk about with nick, but he couldn’t. he was still unbelievably upset about what nick did and even more confused than he was when it first happened, and at first that anger and confusion outweighed his desire to want to talk to his best friend.

in the month they spent apart, zion had gotten the hang of editing his own videos, so much so that one of his edits went viral on twitter and became a meme, causing an influx of almost 300,000 new subscribers to his channel. this was exactly the kind of thing he would normally gush about to nick, who was his first ever subscriber. it felt like torture not being able to call him, but zion knew that if he did, he would have to apologize for and explain his actions. 

and in order to explain his actions, he would have to know why he’d taken them in the first place. in order to apologize, he would’ve had to feel remorseful about what happened, and while he was sorry for calling nick broke and ending their friendship, he could not and would not apologize to nick for being hurt about being used. 

so a month went by with no contact between the two of them, and zion felt more and more miserable with every day that passed. he listened to his mariah carey playlist so often that even when he had it on shuffle he could guess which song would play next, his once-thriving social life was now nonexistent, and he dedicated most of his time to filming and editing videos.

he was still gaining subscribers like crazy, and his newfound drive and dedication to his channel seemed to have perfect timing. still, it was something like a double-edged sword because every milestone served as a bitter reminder of his ex friend, and even the biggest victories tasted stale to him. 

zion checked up on nick’s social media accounts often, to the point where his account popped up first when zion clicked on his search bar on instagram. he hadn’t actually blocked him like he said he would, and instead just unfollowed nick on twitter and instagram and waited for him to do the same. nick had never unfollowed, but zion was approaching 500,000 followers on instagram and couldn’t see notifications from everyone so he had no idea if he was still liking zion’s posts. 

from what he could see on nick’s instagram, his date had gone well even without zion’s fifty dollars. the girl from nick’s anthropology class, naya, commented on nick’s pics fairly often, and he did the same on hers. he didn’t know what it was about nick’s friendship or relationship or whatever it was he had with her that made him so upset, but he did not like her at all.

he knew it wasn’t her fault nick was trifling and broke and didn’t care about zion’s feelings, but he saw her as the catalyst for the end of their friendship and therefore could not stand her. she had some pale-skinned anime girl as her profile picture, and although she was black and you could see that as soon as you clicked on her page, zion had reported a few of her comments on nick’s pictures where she was using the word nigga in hopes that the people at instagram headquarters would see her avi and take down her account anyway. yes, he was _that_ petty. he knew, realistically, even if her account were to be deleted, she still had nick’s number and still attended nick’s school and still learned about fucking anthropology — whatever the fuck that was — with him so she would talk to him anyway. this realization always upset him, which in turn confused him and that made him even more upset. he didn't know what was going on with himself, or why he was so enraged at this girl for liking nick and the more he thought about it, the more his head hurt. 

it finally clicked for him one day about a month and a half into his spat with nick, when he was doing some of his light social media stalking. first he checked up on brandon to see how their time apart was treating him, and then he felt the familiar unscratchable itch beneath his fingertips, one that said _check up on nick_. he did, and found that the most recent picture on his page was a selfie with him and miss anthropology herself, his head resting on hers as they both smiled at the camera. the caption was some stupid j cole lyric, because nick could find one for any occasion, and zion stared at the picture in silence for at least five minutes, analyzing every single detail. he looked at her more than he did nick, because he already knew exactly what nick looked like, taking note of her wide brown eyes and thick, perfectly shaped brows. she was gorgeous, and with her brown skin and big afro, she was definitely nick’s type. maybe she was worth tricking your best friend out of $50 for, zion thought. 

he clicked on her page, for maybe the tenth time in a month, and as her pictures loaded one by one, white squares filling in with the vibrant yellows and crisp whites that filled her wardrobe, a quiet _what does she have that i don’t_ spoke from the depths of his mind. 

it was like a dam of realization broke open. everything he’d internalized about nick and his friendship with him flooded to the surface. he was jealous. and not just because she got to spend time with zion’s (ex) best friend while he was sitting at home editing his little videos while listening to mariah carey and drinking flat sprite all the time, but also because she and so many other girls like her got to see the romantic side of nick mara. she got to kiss him and be looked at by him like she was the only person that mattered to him. to be held by him and hear things he liked to talk about in the middle of the night or when he first woke up and zion knew he would never have that with nick, even if he had spent so much time lying to himself about how badly he wanted it. 

it took him a while to stomach the fact that truthfully, he had not reached out to nick because he did not want to make amends just for things to go back to the way they were; he did not want to be just nick’s friend. he didn’t think he could sit around and listen to nick talk about all the sex he was having with girls from his school or how he was thinking about asking the girl from his job if she wanted to sleep with him, and he knew he would probably explode if he had to hear any details about the time spent with this anthropology girl. 

zion couldn’t ever allow himself to say he wanted nick for himself, but he certainly did not want him to be with anybody else. he didn’t want to compete against girls that he knew would probably beat him every time. nick was the straightest guy zion knew, and after seeing firsthand just how far nick would go to impress a girl, he knew he was no contest to them. he wasn’t even in the running. 

after his realization, he decided that he was going to leave nick alone forever. it would be a lot easier than confessing his feelings. and that was an easy task for like, one day. now that he was aware of his feelings he wanted to check on nick every five seconds. while he was able to pretend he was feeling fine for twenty four hours while he binge watched pose and tried to learn everything that google had to say about sexuality, it was easy to avert one crisis when faced with another, but once he read that sexuality was fluid and he didn’t have to tell anyone or label anything, he was right back to thinking about nick. 

he started doing stupid shit like organizing his closet and looking for new pillows for his sofa, and when that wasn’t time consuming enough he began doing his skincare routine full of brand new products he knew he’d ordered in the middle of the night a few weeks ago when he was trying to avoid searching nick’s page. after he did all ten steps of the routine and got vitamin c serum in his eye he decided he would turn on some music and edit a video. of course, his first choice was his mariah carey playlist and he was able to distract himself with writing the script for a voiceover he was planning to record for an hour or so before he was right back to thinking about nick. 

he paused his brainstorming just long enough to tune into the music and that was all it took for him to get in his bag again. _don’t forget about us_ was playing and he didn’t know what it was about mariah and making these songs that didn’t apply to his current situation and somehow still did, but the lyrics were hitting him differently in the context of his friendship with nick. he didn’t really want to imagine a world where he and nick no longer played fortnite together or had sleepovers or confided in each other but that’s exactly what mariah was making him think about. he sighed and put his pencil down, his face tingling slightly from the unusual amount of product he’d applied to it, and also from the tears beginning to form in his eyes, and decided to just text him.

he didn’t want to be stuck feeling like mariah for the rest of his life, sad and scared and reminiscent on the past all because of his pride. 

_**you should come over. we need to talk.**_

since it was fairly late at night he wasn’t expecting to hear back from nick until in the morning, but he was surprised when his phone dinged almost as soon as he put it back down.

  
  


NM:

You sure you want my broke ass around all your 

expensive shit?

NM:

Not scared I’ll fuck around and rob you? 

_**stop being so fucking dramatic. i’ll come** _

_**to you if i need to. i know where the** _

_**fuck you stay.** _

NM: 

We don’t have anything to talk about.

You said what you wanted to say, and I

don’t have anything to say to you.

**_that’s how i know you lying cuz_ **

**_you always got something to say._ **

NM:

🙄

_ **we need to talk nick. in person.** _

_ **i’m sorry about what i said but i** _

_ **don’t want to apologize in texts.** _

_ **shit’s wack.** _

NM: 

You’d know a lot about being wack. 

Ugly ass little boy. 

_ **i’m not playing right now nick.** _

_ **we need to talk. this is dead serious.** _

_read at 2:03 a.m._

_**i miss you.** _

_delivered_

zion tossed his phone onto the bed, feeling many emotions at once. he was embarrassed, angry and sad and had no one to express that to, because these were emotions that nick would normally be there to carry for him. he didn’t know what twilight zone episode he’d been starring in without his knowledge but he wanted out. his best friend was declining to see him after more than a month of being apart. he had killed their friendship and was the only one interested in reviving it. 

he didn’t hear from nick after that until almost a week later, when he arrived back to his place after hanging out with brandon and neviah. the two were trying to plan a party to celebrate zion hitting three million subscribers, and he was pretty sure they’d noticed how disinterested he was, because they made him go home before neviah had even finished grilling the steaks he’d bought just for zion.

he was already pulling up his mariah playlist before he unlocked the door, his phone connecting to the bluetooth in the living room while he was still in the car. he could hear _caution_ playing when he stepped into the house, surprised to find the lights on and a case of angry orchard on the kitchen counter. he had definitely turned the lights off when he left earlier that day.

“what is this boring ass music? you finna fuck somebody or something? cuz i can come back at another time if i need to.” zion sat his laptop bag down on the counter and exhaled a startled breath at the sound of nick’s voice.

“what are you doing here, nick?” 

“you said i should come over so we can talk. here i am.”

“that was like, a week ago nick. and you didn’t even reply to me.”

“i did something better than reply. i showed up. isn’t that what you wanted?” nick stood up from the couch and turned to face zion. 

“seriously? i just bought that hoodie,” zion motioned to the black balenciaga hoodie that nick was wearing. _zion’s_ balenciaga hoodie.

nick shrugged. “next time don’t make it so cold in here.” 

zion just stared at him. he looked the same as he did in all his recent instagram pictures, healthy and well rested and clean. zion had missed him. 

  
  


“man, i know you ain’t in here listening to no damn mariah carey,” nick said as the opening notes of _emotions_ began playing. “you missed me that much?”

  
  


zion kicked his feet out of his yellow vans and grabbed a beer from the table. he was definitely going to need some alcohol to get him through this.

“we’re never gonna be able to work this shit out if you don’t talk to me, you know. i didn’t come over here to look at you.”

“no, you came over here to try on my clothes and run up my electricity bill. i know.” 

  
  


“i mean, that’s definitely on the itinerary and it got started a little earlier than it was supposed to, but you the one that wasn’t here when i got here. next time lock the door.” 

  
  


zion honestly didn’t know how he should treat nick, or what he should say to him. he was all smiles and jokes now, but zion knew it was just a front to avoid the awkwardness they both could feel creeping up between them. he cracked open his beer and took a big gulp.

“can you turn this shit off? hard to be serious when she’s whistling like a tea kettle.” nick looked up at the speaker as it blasted the bridge of _#beautiful_. it was suspended from the ceiling directly above the couch, so they were getting an earful of the loudest part of the song. “is this song even from your mariah playlist?” 

it hadn’t been, but lately zion had been listening to it so much that he’d added a couple of more songs, including some happier ones because sometimes he wanted to bop through his sadness. he took his phone out of his pocket and paused the song. nick sat beside him, their arms brushing as he did so.

“i’m gonna be honest,” nick said, picking up his own beer, “it took a lot for me to even want to come over here to see you after what happened.”

“we don’t needa talk about that right now,” zion said, rolling his eyes, “i said i’m sorry.”

“what else is there to talk about, zion? you disrespected me, went incognito for months and now you wanna talk? i’m not gon pretend that shit never happened zion.” 

“i know nick, and i’m not asking you to. i’m... i have to tell you something. it—”

“are… are you dying?” nick sounded scared.

“what? no, nick. i’m fine. kinda.” he hadn’t planned on telling nick about his feelings, but seeing him after so long was causing his heart and his mouth to do things his mind hadn’t agreed to.

“i don’t understand. are you sick?”

“something like that.”

“man, can you just be straight up? you’re fuckin scaring me.”

“i’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and i’m just…” zion exhaled, feeling both frustrated and uncomfortable under nick’s gaze. he looked down at his hands, his fingers tugging at the woven bracelet around his wrist. “maybe i’m… _in love with you_?” he winced at the words as soon as they left his mouth, at how weak and unsure they sounded in the air. 

“what?” 

“and i know you’re like, with that girl now and you’re straight and all but i just feel like i need to tell you. i can’t keep carrying that around with me. i… kicked you out that day because i was jealous. not because you used me, which you definitely still did. it just felt really… nasty to know that like… not only would you never be with me, but you also were taking my money to be with someone else. and i didn’t realize that that’s why i was mad back then, but it’s been on my conscience a lot since it happened so i had time to think.” 

“i… i don’t know what to say, zion.” 

“you don’t have to say anything. i asked you to come over so _i_ could talk to _you_.” 

“that’s dumb, zion. you couldn’t have honestly expected me to just sit here with nothing to say the entire time. especially after you said some shit like this.” 

zion decided to stay quiet. sure, he could’ve thought this whole ordeal through a lot more than he had, but everything had just clicked for him for the first time in a long time when he decided to text nick. he was overwhelmed with a ton of emotions and desperately missing his best friend. 

in their silence, zion’s hand shook a little. he didn’t know what he should do, as nick hadn’t said anything to deny or indicate his possibly requited feelings for zion. 

  
  


“i… i don’t want to hurt you zion.” 

  
  


“you don’t have to,” zion said quietly.

nick frowned. “i think—”

zion shook his head, signaling that he didn’t want to hear what nick had to say. instead, he leaned into nick’s space and pressed a gentle kiss to his slightly parted lips. if he was gonna be rejected, he was at least gonna get something out of it first.

nick leaned away from zion, but the few moments that he allowed their lips to touch before reacting didn’t go unnoticed by either of them. “what are you doin’, man?” nick questioned weakly. 

“kissing you, dumbass.” zion licked over his lips, refusing to look at nick’s face. he’d tasted like beer and salt, and he knew without asking that nick had finished off the last of his pretzels. he couldn’t believe his best friend was such an annoying freeloader, or that he loved him so much.

“well don’t. shit’s weird.” 

zion rolled his eyes, leaning back on the couch. “i should’ve punched you in the mouth first. maybe then you would’ve had some lips.” 

“my lips were just fine when you tried to kiss them not even a minute ago, so let’s not go there.” 

“can we be serious right now? it took a lot to tell you that. and to… do that.” zion requested quietly. 

“i am being serious. that shit _was_ weird. i can’t say i’ve never thought about doing it before, but it definitely was weird.”

“you thought about kissing me?”

“not like that. more like i thought about what it would be like to kiss someone with lips like yours. or like, what kissing would be like if i had your lips.” 

“oh.” zion honestly didn’t know what to make of that. “sorry.” 

“no, it’s cool. let’s just like… not do that again.”

“oh don’t worry, i won’t. it was like rubbing a pair of scissors against my lips.” zion lied, sitting back on the couch. he liked the short kiss, but he could see that nick wasn’t on the same page as him so it was best to play it off in order to avoid looking any dumber than he probably already did. he knew he wouldn’t be so quick to forget it, the way his lips were soft and tingled from the lip medex nick applied every twenty minutes like he was going to lose what little amount of lip he had if he didn’t. 

“i’ve kissed many people and no one’s ever said that, so i don’t think i believe you.” 

“whatever nigga,” zion wanted to think about nick kissing other people as little as possible, “go turn on the tv so i can kick your ass in apex legends.” 

“$100 says i’m the one kicking your ass.” nick said as he got up, his knees cracking as he did so. zion stared at the back of his head in disbelief. 

“i’m just playing, zion.” 

“not really sure i’m in a very playful mood right now.” 

“not in a playful mood but got me turning on the ps4 so we can… _play_?” nick narrowed his eyes inquisitively as he tossed one of the controllers to zion from across the living room, “how that work?” 

zion looked down at the controller, knowing his conflicting words and actions didn’t make sense, and that there was no way to explain it away. he just wanted to escape how weird and hurt he felt about this whole thing. the sooner he could get away from talking about his feelings, the better.

“hey man,” nick crossed the room quickly, grabbing zion’s wrist and looking into his eyes, “you know i’ll always support you bro. and i love you for life. just… not in that way. i have a girl, and you deserve better than me anyway. you’ve got soft lips and you’re tall, it won’t be hard to find someone else.” 

zion smiled a weak, lipless smile. this was exactly the kind of awkward encounter he wanted to avoid.

“in fact, i’ve got a friend named edwin i think you’d like a lot. he’s short like me, if that’s your thing.”

zion wiggled his wrist from nick’s grip, taking a sudden interest in starting a match. “i think i’m okay.” he blushed. “i don’t even know how this shit works yet, but i know for a fact i still like pussy. and my rule still applies — i’m not dating any of your weird ass friends.”

“ _you’re_ one of my weird ass friends, but okay. even if you don’t wanna date him, which i’m sure you’ll change your mind once you see him, he’s a pretty dope videographer. he could help with your channel.” 

“i think i’m okay on my own.”

“i’ve seen some of your new stuff. that’s all you?”

zion nodded. 

“getting pretty good at that shit,” nick whistled. zion nodded in appreciation and they waited in silence for the match to load. 

  
  


“listen,” nick said after his character was killed only a few moments into the match. “i know what i did to you with the whole… fifty dollars thing was trash. and i know you shouldn’t have had to be the one to reach out to me first. or apologize.”

zion was still trying to keep his character alive in the very intense battle so he was only half-focusing on nick’s words, but they sounded genuine enough for his liking. “it’s cool man, don’t worry about it.” 

  
  


“i’m serious. i did worry about it, and i know you did too. i shouldn’t have used you like that, nor should i have been so dismissive about your feelings.” zion looked over at nick for one moment and was immediately eliminated from the match, but he couldn’t make himself feel upset about it.

“i appreciate it. i’m sorry too.”

“forreal. next time i do some dumb shit like that, just slap me or something. we don’t need to ever go that long without talking. i love you, bro.”

zion embedded his teeth into his bottom lip and sighed. “love you too,” he said, trying not to laugh bitterly at how they were saying exactly the same thing but meaning it in completely different ways.


End file.
